Why That $200 Haircut Made You Feel So Good (And Why You Almost Didn't Book It)

4 days ago

4 min read

Updated: 3 days ago

Self esteem daily motivator note to self

I got my hair cut and highlighted today. It cost $200 — only the second time in my life I've spent that much on my hair. And I walked out of that salon feeling like a different person. Lighter. Prettier. Seen.

Then, almost immediately, the questioning started. Why don't I do this more often? Why do I skimp on myself when I know exactly how good it feels afterward?

If you've ever asked yourself the same thing, I want you to know: this isn't vanity, and it isn't silly. It's something almost every woman carries, and it has roots far deeper than a hair appointment.

It was never really about the hair

What made me feel good wasn't just the color or the cut. It was being noticed — as a person. A compliment. A "you look amazing." A "where did you get those shoes?" That's not superficial; that's a basic human need to feel seen and valued, and for a lot of us, it doesn't come easily or often.

I've spent 30-plus years building real confidence in my career. Ask me about business, strategy, negotiating a deal — I've got that. But the personal stuff, the "am I pretty enough, thin enough, likable enough, worthy enough" — that's a different kind of confidence, and it's the one so many women never fully build. Not because we're not smart enough to reason our way out of it. Because it was installed in us long before we had the tools to question it.

Why women learn to put themselves last

Research backs up what so many of us feel instinctively. In one large global study spanning nearly a million people, men reported higher self-esteem than women in every single country studied — even the most gender-equal nations on earth. In Sweden, Finland, and Norway, some of the most equal societies in the world, men were still significantly more confident than women at every age. Equality on paper hasn't closed the gap in how we feel about ourselves.

It starts young, too. A 2023 national survey of American girls found the share who described themselves as confident fell from 68% in 2017 to just 55% in 2023 — and among 5th and 6th graders specifically, confidence cratered from 86% down to 68% in that same window, with more than half now doubting they're even "smart enough" to pursue the career they want. Girls who spent 10+ hours a day on social media were 25 percentage points less likely to call themselves confident than girls who used it under two hours.

Dove's global research tells a similar story in adult women: only 4% of women worldwide consider themselves beautiful. More than half — 54% — say they are their own harshest beauty critic. And 80% of women agree every other woman has something beautiful about her... they just can't see it in themselves.

Where this comes from

None of this happened by accident. For generations, women were raised to be caretakers first — tending to husbands, children, aging parents, households — with our own needs filed under "later" or "if there's anything left." Add to that more than a century of advertising, film, and now social media, industries literally built on convincing women something about them needs fixing, so we'll buy the product that fixes it. The corset. The diet. The anti-aging cream. The filter. Each generation gets a new delivery system for the same old message: you are not quite enough as you are.

It's not that we're vain for caring how we look. It's that we were marketed to for a hundred years and told that caring for ourselves is optional — a luxury, an indulgence, something to feel guilty about — while caring for everyone else is the job.

Here's the reframe

Feeling good in your own skin isn't frivolous. It's fuel. When I feel good, I show up better for my clients, my kids, my friends, myself. That $200 haircut wasn't an indulgence — it was maintenance for the version of me that shows up fully in the world. And that version is worth investing in.

Whatever "putting yourself first" looks like for you — a haircut, a massage, new shoes, ten quiet minutes with your coffee before anyone needs anything from you — it counts. You don't need to earn it, justify it, or wait until everyone else is taken care of first.

Your call to action - then share it on my FB page

This week, do one thing — just one — purely because it makes you feel good, with zero productivity attached and zero guilt afterward. Notice how it feels. Then tell someone. Compliment a friend. Say the thing you're thinking — "I love your hair," "that color looks incredible on you" — because you now know exactly how much that single sentence can mean.

You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to feel good. You are worth the $200 haircut — and so much more than that.